I will be the first to say it. When it comes to friendships I am a huge advocate for quality over quantity. These are my thoughts on friendship at 25.
The older I get, the more I have learned to value the importance of surrounding myself with people who bring out the best in me. Friendships that are healthy, and kind. Relationships with people who truly want what is best for me and who push me to be my best.
For me, true friendships can withstand the test of time. Since being on the road, I noticed that I can often go months without speaking to some of my girlfriends. Nevertheless, the minute we get in touch, it is as if nothing has changed! These are the REAL friendships and the ones we should always remember to value.
When it comes to friendships, I believe in quality over quantity, but I didn’t use to always think that way.
As a teen, I didn’t struggle with friendships until I transferred to a new high school in my Sophomore year. I went from having a comfortable group of childhood friends at my small private high school; to face the harsh reality that came once I moved to a much larger public school in the Fall.
Transferring as a Sophomore was not easy. Everyone already had their ‘clique’ and hardly anyone was open to having a new girl join their ‘group.’ I remember feeling super isolated and not welcomed. I wanted more than anything to be invited to sit with the ‘popular’ kids and truly believed that having more friends was the key to success. In my eyes, the more friends the better, or so I thought.
MY THOUGHTS ON FRIENDSHIPS AT 25
It wasn’t until I was able to find my own perfectly imperfect group of friends, that I started to realize that less was more. I had a small, yet a solid group of friends in high school who helped make the entire experience better in the end, and for that, I will always be grateful.
By the time it came to college, I found that I was getting sucked into the same mentality I had when I first transferred to high schools. I wanted to go in with a fresh start and make as many friends possible. The best way to do that… join a sorority of course!
I went into college (uni) head first, ready and open to meeting new people and establishing new friendships. It was great! My first few years were some of the best of my life. I met so many smart, motivated, and beautiful girls, but I found that I had changed. A lot of my personality began to morph into someone I often didn’t recognize, some aspects good, but others bad. However, I became so consumed with making friends that I was unable to give my attention to the ones I had left behind.
Not only that, but I was doing everything I could to be friends with everyone…even if deep down I didn’t really like them!
About halfway through college, some of my ‘friends’ ended up hurting me. They talked behind my back and made me feel insecure. In turn, I became defensive, I played a victim, and I wasn’t a good friend back. Some of my friends were forced to take sides and in turn, I lost those ones too. The Scorpio in me also held grudges and completely blocked those people out, something I now look back on and I am NOT proud of.
MY THOUGHTS ON FRIENDSHIPS AT 25
Fast forward to my Senior year of college. I was left with only a small handful of friends that I considered to be ‘for life.’ These girls were with me from the start and many are people I still turn to today. Again, reinforcing the idea of quality over quantity. Nevertheless, I decided to graduate early to travel and didn’t look back. Almost like running away from my problems, I never faced those people again.
As I get older, I have learned to reflect on all these friendships and interactions I have had over the years. I realize now, that moving forward, I want to establish healthy relationships with people who lift me up. I want to value quality over quantity.
We change over time, and so do the people we identify ourselves with. I will write a separate post about friendship breakups…but they happen and they SUCK. We often assume that when we become friends with someone they are in it for the long haul, but that is not always the case. Each friendship is unique in its own way and we turn to different friends for different things. As we change over time, so do our relationships. Sometimes friendships can adapt and grow together, but it is also possible that they crack, or become fragmented. We can find that we are not as close to some friends that we were a few months ago, but that’s okay!
MY THOUGHTS ON FRIENDSHIPS AT 25
As I come into the latter half of my 20’s, I have noticed that making new friends as an adult is hard. Nevertheless, I am doing my best to find new ways to put myself out there and find friends that share the same values as me. I am forcing myself to be open to new friendships especially in the coming years when I move to a new city.
Ultimately, I have learned to face the mistakes I have made in my past friendships and move on. I am really happy today with the small, strong and beautiful group of girls I have in my life. Moving forward I intend on always valuing those relationships. That being said, with each new phase of my life, I have noticed one thing to hold true. Quality friendships are far more fulfilling than the number of friendships in your life.
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